Tuesday, 29 November 2011

21st century african: memoirs of a lost soul

        My name is Stephanie, Steph for short. I'd rather not be addressed by my other name-Mgbechi-it's too local. I am fluent in English and french, but can hardly comprehend a word in my mother-tongue, talk much of speaking it. Well, i guess its due to my upbringing. I went to one of those posh schools, those ones where teachers don't flog you. Why should they? My parents don't flog me either. We just sit and 'talk it over'. My school days were fun. We learnt about mungo park, Mary Slessor, napoleon and Aristotle. The only time i came across names such as Jaguar Nana, Hannibal, Haile Selassie and Idris Aloma was in an old rodent eaten book i found in one obscure corner in my dad's library. My childhood heroes were mickey mouse, Tom&Jerry and superman. Not this Ben ten kids holla about today. Well, it's better than reading those dry stories about the tortoise, lion, elephant and those other animals. Very dumb if you ask me.
      I love food very much, though i
can't cook. Why should i soil my pretty nails? A good meal never passes me. An apple pie, glass of fruit juice and raw vegetables for dessert to me is a well balanced diet. I do not like the taste of those fried bean cakes and find it even more absurd when i see people eating granulated cassava and a bowl of condiments labeled soup with their bare hands. Even in public! I mean are these folks not civilized? I was forced to try it out once, but i insisted that i would use cutlery.
        I am a very religious person and an active member of my church. I only miss church on rare occassions, when i do not have a good dress to put on. The house of the lord is not for beggars so i have to look my best when i go for service. You could get business contacts in church you know "good measure, pressed down shaken together, runneth over shall men give to my bosom" all evil spirits of Amadioha, Ifa and Sango, holy ghost fire scatter them!! My favourite genre of music is pop, rock and blues. Fuji, juju and highlife are noise to my ears. Mumbo jumbo. My favourite tv shows are ' keeping up with the Kardashians, MTV base and big brother. Nope, i don't watch those dry nollywood dramas that always portray juju. I have not heard of Wole Oguntokun, Ahmed Yerima and certainly not Herbert Ogunde.
       I could be described as a very strong independent woman in every sense and don't need shit from any man. After all, we are in a globalized age, are we not? I am not
really keen on this marriage thing because i don't need any man bossing me around. Perhaps i would adopt a kid or get a surrogate mom because i work so hard to maintain this shape and can't risk losing it to child bearing. I just fixed a new contact lens, blue in colour. My neighbor, that smelly Yoruba lady told me to go for green because it would match my blond wig. I don't trust her or her sense of judgment. Why should i? We are not from the same place. I am happy with the way my skim is turning out. Those skin toning combinations are working. i detest everything African and wish i was born in another continent. this is me, the 21st century African

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